Irregular and strange spellings in English - Dearest creature in creation

1 Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in this verse
Sounds like , , horse, and worse.

2 You will gain a lust for busyness,
Make your head with heat suffer dizziness.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

3 Just compare heart, , and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and , retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)

4 Now I surely will not you
With such words as and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;

5 Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

6 Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and chicory,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;

7 Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;

8 Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, mollifying mankind.

9 Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.

10 Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,

11 Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

12 Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.

13 Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,

14 Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

15 Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.

16 Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.

17 Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

18 Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
people, leopard, towed, but vowed.

19 Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;

20 Camel, constable, unstable,
principle, disciple, label.

21 petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.

22 Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
psalm, Maria, but malaria.

23 Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

24 Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye for aye, whey and key.

25 Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

26 Face, but preface, not efface.
phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.

27 Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,

28 Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

29 pronunciation -- think of psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?

30 It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

31 Finally, which rhymes with enough
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

32 take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble but not you
On hiccough, thorough, slough and through.
Well done! And now you wish perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps?

33 Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead, it's said like bed, not bead-
for goodness' sake don't call it 'deed'!

34 Watch out for meat and great and threat
(they rhyme with suite and straight and debt).

A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth, or brother,
And here is not a match for there,

35 Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,
And then there's doze and rose and lose-
Just look them up- and goose and choose,
And cork and work and card and ward
And font and front and word and sword,
And do and go and thwart and cart-

36 Come, I've hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Man alive!
I'd learned to speak it when I was five!
And yet to write it, the more I sigh,
I'll not learn how 'til the day I die.