Jeeves the Buttler

Here are some of the best quotes of Jeeves the buttler from the classic pG Wodehouse books.

  1. She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."
  2. The Duke of Dunstable had one-way pockets. He would walk ten miles in the snow to chisel an orphan out of tuppence.
  3. The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun
  4. It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them
  5. I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that . . . just loafed, I suppose.
  6. As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight
  7. Marriage isn't a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse
  8. Her face was shining like the seat of a bus-driver's trousers
  9. A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of someone who had searched for the leak in life's gas pipe with a lighted candle
  10. "Have you ever tasted such filthy coffee?" "Never" said Joe, though he had lived in French hotels
  11. Few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks
  12. I pressed down the mental accelerator
  13. The old lemon throbbed fiercely. I got an idea
  14. There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine
  15. He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more
  16. I always advise people never to give advice
  17. She gave me the sort of look she would have given a leper she wasn't fond of
  18. Wilfred Allsop was sitting up, his face pale, his eyes glassy, his hair disordered. He looked like the poet Shelley after a big night out with Lord Byron
  19. She wrinkles her nose at me as if I were a drain that had got out of order
  20. The Aberdeen terrier gave me an unpleasant look and said something under his breath in Gaelic
  21. Her eye swivelling round stopped me like a bullet. The Wedding Guest, if you remember, had the same trouble with the Ancient Mariner
  22. There is a fog sir. If you will recollect, we are now in Autumn - season of mists and mellow fruitfulness
  23. I explain this to Jeeves and he said the same thing had bothered Hamlet